Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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