Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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