I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
