Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
