Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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