Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize