i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
