Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
