guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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