I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
