Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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