Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
