apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so let's talk penis.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
