I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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