I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
