I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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