I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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