All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Terrible idea I love it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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