I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
