Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
