id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
