she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The best revenge is premature balding
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
