He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
