wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
