My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
