I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
