Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You dont lie about slip and slides
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
