Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
