Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A+ Viking dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
