Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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