I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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