Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
