a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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