I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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