so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
