I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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