i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
