So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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