She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
