i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
