Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
