Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
