can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
