u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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