I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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