you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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