haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
