I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
