i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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