pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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