Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
