can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
