Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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