you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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