WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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