oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
