sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
