i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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