Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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