I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We need to get me chipped asap
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize