that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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