You're completely useless in the revolution.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
