i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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