Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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