Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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