New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
