If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
