She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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