I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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