I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
