Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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