Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
